Memories in the Desert: Weekend Warriors

It’s Saturday and time for another Weekend Writing Warriors! You must write either 8 sentences or 150 word limit for poetry. Lots of great writers participate. You can check em out via ze button above.

For those who are new, I am continuing my story about Hagar and Ishmael in the Desert. For understanding the backstory, go here. For previous installments: Part onePart two, and Part three

Synopsis so far: Hagar and Ishmael are wandering the desert. They have no water. Hagar is becoming desperate and has decided to kill her son out of mercy. She’s in flashbacks now, recalling the events that led up to this moment

Within the year, Ishmael was born. Standing on the bricks, Sarai’s encouragement barely pierced the pain. Every muscle tensing, pushing as I tried to bring my baby to life. After a night full of agony, he arrived.

I can’t forget the first time I saw him: he was small, with a head full of hair. Holding him in my arms, I knew. I had always known him, always loved him. We were just waiting to meet.

As always, thoughts, critique, or questions are always welcomed!

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11 thoughts on “Memories in the Desert: Weekend Warriors

  1. Definitely an interesting snippet – lovely last paragraph. Perhaps consider rearranging the 2nd sentence for clarity as to who is standing on the bricks – just a thought but I can be dense sometimes. Certainly a moment/event familiary to many. Very nice #8

  2. Are the bricks part of a birthing posture? Hagar’s inner thoughts come out piercingly clear… and I can’t imagine how she endured the birthing with Sarah so close… knowing that her son would belong to another woman. How heartrending! You’ve captured this biblical narrative in an heart-touching way – thanks!

    • From what I gathered after reading the red tent, women traditionally stood on bricks as they gave birth. And if you were having a baby on another’s behalf (like Hagar) that woman stood behind you, supporting you through it.

      So glad you enjoy it!!

  3. Aw, every momma is just waiting to meet their little one. It floods me with memories of my own. BTW, I do agree with the first Susan, the second sentence is off for me too. I had to read it a couple times to get the gist.

  4. Like some others, I would also like more description to get a clearer picture. Obviously, you’ve done your research, but you can’t assume that the reader has. This snippet is wonderfully written and has so much emotion–that last paragraph is painful, but in a good way!

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